Five Minutes with PHP Bard


December 16th, 2014


I’m proud to offer you the first ever interview with the remarkable @phpbard. He has a new book coming out soon that is destined become a best seller. Without further delay here is the best interview you’ll read today.

Tell us a little about yourself.

I am a bard from a land far away,
Where elePHPants frolick, code, and play.
I muse and I croon about frivolous things,
Like PSRs, RFCs, and PHP kings.
Now with that introduction, it shouldn’t be hard
To see who I am. I’m the PHP Bard.
I appreciate being your interviewee
To discuss all my poems about PHP.

Can you tell us about your new book?

It has been a whole year since my inception,
And I’m quite surprised by my reception.
So now, I’m writing a book, you see,
Comprised of my very best poetry.
You’ll see all of my sonnets and parodies too,
And the short, classic couplets I’ve tweeted at you.
And I’ll even include a host of new stuff,
Just in case you were feeling that there wasn’t enough.

Did you have an “Aha!” moment when you knew you wanted to do barding professionally?

I’m afraid that there isn’t much of a story.
Barding is a compulsion, despite all the glory.
I came forth from the womb singing, they say,
And I haven’t dared stop, even to this day.
Lyrics flow forth right out of my brain.
I can’t turn it off; it’s kind of a pain.
But what greater muse than our dear PHP:
A great programming language and community!

What is one php topic you think about all the time but are afraid to release a rhyme about?

Virtualization, containers, and such.
About these kinds of topics, I don’t know that much.
If I tried to share wisdom about the tool, Vagrant,
I’d mess it all up in a way that is flagrant.
Of Chef or Puppet, of Ansible or Salt,
I’m afraid that my lyrics would be full of fault.
And what about Docker? That one is so new
That nothing I’d sing about it would be true.

Who would win in a cage match: you, @phpdrama, or @phpjerk?

Oh, how uncouth! How vulgar! How crude!
I would not condescend to be a part of that feud.
For the Jerk and the Douche both seek to create
Insulting remarks that propagate hate.
But what I try to do is a bit more refined.
Words crafted with care, rhyming statements aligned.
In a battle of wits, I am clearly the victor.
For my standards of conduct are so much stricter.

What do you want your legacy to be?

Legacy… Surely, it is known that I’m clever,
So my immortalized words shall live on forever.
May my book be successful, and my poems retweeted,
Even after I die, my rhymes won’t be depleted.
Let it be known, though I have a coder spirit,
That my passion for song trumps even hacking, I fear it.
My left brain and right brain, do ebb and flow,
To create rhymes and rhythms that soon all will know.

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Eric L. Barnes

Eric is the creator of Laravel News and has been covering Laravel since 2012.